Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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