dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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