very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
