i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
