What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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