No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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