booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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