He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
