my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
