last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
jump out the window naked night went bad
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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