She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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