I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm so fucking centered right now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
