You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
