I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
