Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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