you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
