I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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