So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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