If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
