And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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