Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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