Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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