He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
