I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
