real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
