My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
