Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love accidental penises.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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