I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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