i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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