Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
