Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
