and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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