My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
