She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
