Where is the hickey?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
