sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
