that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
