Me too!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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