I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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