so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I pour the whiskey from now on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
