dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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