idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Houston, we have a blender
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
