never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize