I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
