Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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