I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
