I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
