I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize