Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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