i already hear my dad disowning me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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