I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Pants are for mortals
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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