Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
