i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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