He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
