end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
