She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
