there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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