2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
