I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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