I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
