After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
