CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
