I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
